Being a “Thriver” (6)

Posted on June 15, 2012 by Lynn

The day of my first chemo treatment my husband gave me a guardian angel figurine…this started me on my angel collection (that now numbers well over 50). I suppose word got around that I liked collecting angels and so many people started giving me little “get well” gifts (mostly of angels) that they thought I’d like. I found that each angel seemed to mark a different milestone in my “personal journey with cancer”. I started to see them as being little spiritual markers that I could look at and be encouraged when I remembered how many people were cheering me on, and how each of those little momentos represented hundreds of prayers lifted up on my behalf.

Throughout the year of surgery and chemotherapy, friends and church family rallied around me by praying, sending cards, letters and emails of encouragement. The ladies’ group put together a basket of chocolate and around each chocolate bar was a scripture verse! I think I had close to 10 lbs. of chocolate! They also provided healthy meals for my family, they cleaned my home, did my laundry, baby sat and countless other acts of kindness. Their selfless ministering contributed to my healing. The Bible teaches us to care for each other as God in Christ cared for us. My church family poured themselves out in caring for me and my family.

One of the first questions I asked initially was “Why me?” Why did this happen to me? Doctors often have no idea how to answer that question. In my case, the doctor looked me straight in the eye and said, “It’s just dumb luck.” Alternative therapists tend to give their patients a greater sense of personal significance than they get from doctors and are rarely at a loss for an answer when asked the “why me?” question. Contrast the bleakness of “It’s just dumb luck”, to “Your charkras are unbalanced because of a recent spiritual upset,” or “You’ve been eating too many yin foods and not enough yang”. Sounds ridiculous but people are searching for a logical answer to the “why” question and in search for answers may be willing to grasp at any answer that seems reasonable and that’s why many woman in desperation turn to alternative healers.

In my case, one of my closest friends answered the “why me?” question by saying, “Why not you?” This was a profound statement for me and one I have shared many times with others who are facing a particular hardship in life. There are no guarantees in life. God does not promise that life will be perfect. In fact He says the exact opposite, that we can expect persecution and hardship, we live in a fallen world and our struggles, whatever they may be, may be a part of what He means to pick up our cross to follow Him.

Psychologists will tell you that many of their women clients are counselled primarily because they have a deep dissatisfaction with their own bodies. At the Tom Baker Cancer Centre in Calgary there is a whole psycho-social department geared towards women who have gone through breast cancer…why?…because women who suffer from breast cancer are radically changed, outwardly because of surgery, and inwardly as they try to cope with their disfigurement and the disease itself. They no longer feel they are a complete woman, and they struggle trying to come to grips with not being the perfect picture of a woman anymore. Not to mention the fear that accompanies the knowledge that you have a life-threatening illness.

Losing a breast is life-altering for a woman. Cancer is traumatic in itself, but the implications of losing a breast that is linked with femininity and sexuality is a devastating loss to women. It is traumatic enough to go bathing suit shopping but the trauma is compounded when you have to ask a “sweet young thing” where the “special” bathing suits are.

Before I had reconstructive surgery I wore a breast prosthetic so I would look and feel more balanced under clothes. Unfortunately MY prosthetic had a habit of shifting every so often and once when I was tying my daughter’s shoe laces for her, it actually popped out of my shirt and landed at her feet. Needless to say, you either laugh or you cry when things like that happen and I chose to laugh.

Believe it or not there were times I simply just praised God for the gift of laughter during my journey with cancer. I didn’t know it then but there are all kinds of studies that conclude that people who have a positive attitude through their journey with cancer have a much greater survival rate than those who have a “woe-is-me” attitude. I totally relate to the author of Ecclesiastes when he writes about a “time to laugh and a time to cry”…I certainly did cry…that’s human…but there were countless times I laughed and when I did not have it in me to find joy in my circumstances I recruited others to send me jokes and riddles and silly pictures and stories that would just make me laugh out loud and feel better.

Here is one such joke that was sent to me by a good friend.

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat (just in case the first time wasn’t effective).

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared!

 

 

 

 

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Being a “Thriver” (5)

Posted on June 14, 2012 by Lynn

There was an initial reluctance in sharing with my church family (or anyone else) that I had cancer. I’m not entirely sure why I hesitated to be open about the diagnosis, perhaps it was a combination of fear and pride. I was fearful of how people would react and my pride hindered me from sharing too much of myself personally because that showed my vulnerability and weakness. However, the Lord led me to embrace my church family and allow them to minister to me, a reciprocal blessing of sorts, my being blessed by their ministrations and they being blessed in their service to me.

I think too there was an embarrassment involved in sharing I had breast cancer. Let’s face it, we’re talking breasts here! In fact, when I initially told people I had breast cancer, some people refused to look me in the face…their eyes seemed to travel down to my chest area all the time. I told a friend of mine (a male friend actually) after a particularly challenging conversation trying to maintain eye – contact… ”I wonder where you’d be looking if your friend was diagnosed with prostate cancer?”

Perhaps my greatest concern was how to tell my children of my condition. My oldest daughter, Laurelle was sixteen at the time, my son, Brett was eight and my youngest, Carmen was in kindergarten. Laurelle was home when I got the phone call from the doctor telling me I had cancer so we wept together and yet I was surprised by her optimism and strength. Little did I know that she was putting up a good outward front to the world, especially to me, but inside she was breaking up emotionally and absolutely terrified. It was Laurelle’s reaction to the news, even though I know now it was a great testament to her acting ability,that bolstered me to tell the little ones. We were open and honest with them and used the correct terminology and we were as calm and optimistic as we could be with them. As a result, the children were not afraid of the unknown, they joined us in the battle. It did not make the year any easier for them but we were unified in our resolve to stand together as a family and support each other through the good and bad times. An example of that was when my five year old daughter was asked by a helper Mom in her kindergarten class how I was doing, and Carmen matter-of-factly said, “Oh my Mom is doing fine, she just has breast cancer!”

One of many things God taught me through the experience was not to be afraid of cancer. I remember in my own home when my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, my Dad would not speak the word: he often referred to it as the “C” word, or he called it “Mom’s illness”. To me that just gives cancer a “power” over you that it does not deserve. A friend sent me this poem two weeks after my first surgery that puts cancer in the right perspective:

Cancer is so limited…

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot eat away peace,

It cannot destroy confidence,

It cannot kill friendship,

It cannot shut out memories,

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot invade the soul,

It cannot reduce eternal life,

It cannot quench the Spirit,

It cannot lessen the power

of the Resurrection.

 

 

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Being a “Thriver” (4)

Posted on June 13, 2012 by Lynn

Things get real simple when one is faced with a cancer diagnosis. All of sudden all priorities in my life shifted. You realize that survival is the most important thing. But I was not the only one who received a cancer diagnosis…my whole family did. You see, when one family member experiences cancer, the whole family goes along on the journey with you. Charles felt the helplessness of not being able to fix my cancer. My children also had to face seeing me sore from surgery, sick from chemo, and too exhausted and weary to care for them like they needed.

Despite that, cancer changed me for the better. Knowing that I had no one to turn to except God, the one thing that happened almost instantaneously with my diagnosis was my realization that I was as far away from God as I could get and I needed Him now more than ever. I had failed God so miserably but when I cried out to Him He was there.

I felt Him close. I asked for Him to miraculously heal me, but He didn’t. Instead He sustained me through the cancer journey and I experienced God in profound and dynamic ways throughout that time. It’s interesting, I never once blamed God for my diagnosis, in fact, I truly think cancer was God’s way of getting my attention. God allowed me to experience cancer not only to awaken my spiritual passion again, but to change me physically, mentally and emotionally so He could refine me to be the woman of God He had always intended me to become.

I did not have long to prepare myself for the battle ahead of me. Henry Blackaby was preaching at our church the Sunday I went forward and told my church family that I had cancer. God had led me to scripture in Isaiah 38:9-20 and I read this lengthy passage to my church family. Throughout the next two years I returned to that scripture daily.

I don’t know what happened next exactly, but my church family suddenly became this mighty army of prayer warriors, and angels of mercy. No sooner had I returned home from the hospital than my refrigerator was bulging with food. Car pools had been set up for my kids to get them to school and after-school activities. Women were jockeying for position to clean my house…wish they still did that :)…hint, hint.

People started to send me emails, jokes, anecdotes, cards, letters, and I was overwhelmed with all the care and attention I was receiving. It was the koinania I had read about but now saw in action. The church family loving on me, ministering to me in ways I never imagined. Being a writer, I started writing about my experiences and I journaled and I spoke and gave my testimony and I had opportunity to pray with doctors, nurses, technicians and share the Gospel with other sisters of breast cancer.

That said, it was a long journey and one I would not wish to repeat or have it experienced by anyone else. Chemotherapy was the low point for me. I was disfigured from the surgery (gone was my vanity); I was bald (gone was my beauty); my identity as a woman was marred…and I wondered if Charles would ever look with the same eyes of love at me again.

I needn’t have worried.  I don’t think I honestly knew how much Charles loved me, until he tenderly bathed me a week after I was out of the hospital, because I could not lift my arms above my head after my operation.  Feeling vulnerable and self-conscious with my scars and deformity, I could barely look at myself in the mirror.  But my sweet husband told me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. When I started losing my hair in clumps after my first chemo treatment, he was the one who shaved my head bald.  I laughed but he cried.

It was a two year battle. I have battle scars for sure but I am here to testify to God’s faithfulness and His protectiveness of me throughout the battle. He showed his love through the people of God. He cared for my children and reached out to my husband. Scripture became nuggets of gold to be cherished and pondered upon. I heard God’s voice more clearly then, than at any other time in my life and I trust Him more now than ever. I appreciate life more; it is God’s gift to me. I appreciate my church family so much. My church family had no idea how much phone calls, cards, loving on my kids,cleaning my house meant to me at the time, but I pray that they do now.

I believe God has allowed me the opportunity to come alongside other women who face breast cancer, and show to them in a tangible way through my experience that there is life after cancer. God is faithful.

I know that every day is a gift. Cancer free today, does not necessarily mean I will be cancer – free tomorrow. That said, I believe God has a plan and a purpose for me yet and I will follow wherever He leads.

It’s all about thriving, not just surviving!

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