Today I celebrate yet another birthday…as someone said to me, I’m on the other side of the hill and sliding fast! So to celebrate my “slide”, I thought I’d poke a little fun at myself as well as those of us who are slip sliding away a little faster than we would like to be.
- all you exercise is caution
- you develop a taste for bran flakes
- you discover a face cream that makes you look younger…it gives you acne!
- you start to be an old hand at the game of life, but start losing your grip
- being over the hill means your speed is picking up
- you go to bed before your children
- you sit in a rocking chair but can’t get it to go
- you remember that God gave you two ends – one to think with and one to sit on and you realize which one you use the most!
- you believe that age is a question of mind over matter…if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter
- you believe life is made up of sleeping, eating, and interruptions
- you believe life is like a grammar lesson; the present tense and the past perfect
- being prudent is not going to see a doctor who has let his office plants die
- the older you get, the longer it takes to get to the door if opportunity knocks
- being in the groove only means you’re in a rut
- you realize that retirement means half as much money and twice as much husband
- to do nothing all day is followed by resting afterwards
- working gives you something to look forward to…like not working!
- you realize that life is like a dogsled team…if you’re not the lead dog the scenery never changes
- you wonder how you can soar like an eagle when you’re surrounded by turkeys!
- snap judgements would be all right if they didn’t come unsnapped so often
- you can’t decide which rock group sounds better…gall stones or kidney stones?
- you’re so hard of hearing that people can say things behind your back right to your face!
- the doctor sees you naked more often than your husband does
- the term “learning to let go” takes on a whole new meaning right after a breakfast of fruit and fibre
- the saying “to be or not to be” describes your many trips to the washroom
- “willing and able” means you’re just as willing but not as able
- you wish you could do it all over if you could remember what it was you did before
- you buy gingko biloba for memory but keep forgetting to take it
- the best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes
- you gave up jogging for health because your thighs kept rubbing together setting your support pantyhose on fire
- all else fails.
My husband sent along the following bumper stickers that he thought I could add to this list:
In dog years…I’m dead!
Fishmore & Dolittle (Retirement Planning & Consultants)
Young at Heart – slightly older in other places.
GEEZER (ge-zer) – noun. slang. Definition: Not young. Not dead. Somewhere in between.
I’m speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I’m going.
At my age…”Gettin’ any?” means sleep!
I’m retired…I was tired yesterday. I’m tired again today.
At my age…happy hour is a nap!
Live each day like it’s your last. One day, you’ll get it right.