January Blues

I entered another appointment on my calendar, and turned to my husband. “So far all our outings in January consist of medical appointments. Not a great way to start the New Year!” He laughed as I further lamented, “Is this a sign of old age setting in?”

My husband battled kidney stones over the Christmas break. Between his medications and mine, I am seeing an unwelcome trend emerging in this new season of life. We are in denial of course, but the fact remains, while our brains continue to think ourselves young, our bodies prove otherwise.

I’ve noticed that we spend a lot of time thinking and/or talking about our health. Whenever we talk to friends our age, we cannot sidestep conversations about a variety of aches and pains. Especially over the past year, we are hypersensitive to anything amiss that may be a Covid-related symptom. To tell the truth, I’m sick of it – literally!

Am I the only one?

Hands up everyone who is fed up with ANYTHING having to do with this pandemic? I am so done with news reports, Covid numbers, mask-wearing, vaccine shortages, lock-downs, restrictions, hand-washing and online everything! I’m sure the majority of my friends and family feel the same way as I do. I feel like I want to escape all of this, but there is nowhere to escape to.

And that’s the crux.

I am immersed in an uncontrollable situation, and no matter how much I want to change the circumstances, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

This morning I awakened feeling like it didn’t really matter if I stayed in bed for the day. I have no schedule, no pressing engagements, no projects that need attention. My house is dust free for the most part. I don’t feel a pressing urge to reclean or reorganize just for something to do. As I snuggled under the covers, and contemplated another quiet and uneventful day, much the same as the day before, I said out loud, “It is what it is.”

It is what it is.

I’ve been saying that a lot, but truly it sums up life right now. It is what it is. I cannot change a single thing about the Covid pandemic around me. I can’t change the fact I’ve battled cancer twice and I still have lingering side effects as a result of my latest battle. I can’t change the fact I’m aging. No matter how many cosmetics I put on my face, wrinkles refuse to be erased. Certainly, there are many things I can take control of, but for the most part, it is what it is and I have to accept it, like it or not.

Or do I?

I reluctantly pushed the covers aside and made my way to my prayer corner. This year, I am reading through Oswald Chambers, “My Utmost For His Highest” devotional again, and these words sprang out from the page at me:

“Consider the lilies of the field…” (Matthew 6:28). They grow where they are planted. Many of us refuse to grow where God plants us. Therefore, we don’t take root anywhere.” Oswald Chambers

“Consider the lilies of the field…”

In this long season, I have been completely uprooted. I have been relegated to the sidelines, so to speak, because of my compromised immunity, so everyday tasks are carried out by my husband who does almost all the shopping for us. I do not go into stores like I once did. Grocery shopping was a weekly outing, a task I actually complained about doing before, but now I miss. I used to thoroughly enjoy a day out just window shopping, but again, it is what it is.

Safety protocols and health restrictions have prevented me from attending in-person worship services. I enjoy the online services, but I miss my church family around me, gathered in corporate worship. I miss being involved. There are still opportunities for ministry, but I am reluctant to plug in again.

I miss seeing my children and grandchildren. We delivered some pancakes a couple of weeks ago to the kids, a quick drop off, but my heart broke when Paxton, four years old asked, “Grandma, is it safe to hug?” I can’t help feel like Covid has robbed us of a full year (so far) of building and nurturing relationships with one another. We hide behind masks of our own making…literally!!

“Jesus said if we would obey the life of God within us, He would look after all other things. Did Jesus Christ lie to us? Are we experiencing the “much more” He promised? If we are not, it is because we are not obeying the life God has given us and have cluttered our minds with confusing thoughts and worries. How much time have we wasted asking God senseless questions while we should be absolutely free to concentrate on our service to Him? Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process. Am I continually separating myself and looking to God every day of my life?” Oswald Chambers

It is a daunting challenge. How much time have I wasted asking God all those useless questions about why we are faced with Covid, restrictions, health challenges, etc. etc., rather than look for opportunities to serve Him in the midst of all this? God is in control, why do I doubt it? I have separated myself. Circumstances have uprooted me, but I have also willfully allowed myself to be uprooted.

I confess that I have not been experiencing the “much more” God has promised me lately. I don’t want to say “it is what it is”, and use that as an excuse to stay dormant. I am praying for God’s direction, and even today, He has answered by planting me here, writing. It is a simple act, but one I have neglected these many weeks.

It’s a small step, but a necessary one. I long to take root again!

This entry was posted in Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to January Blues

  1. Aneita Smith says:

    Thank you for this. You never know who you’re talking to.. when you share the good word..

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