Here Comes the Bride!

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Lynn

You would have to be dead or living in Edmonton (that’s a saying here in our fair town 🙂 ) if you haven’t heard about the upcoming marriage of the future King and Queen of England, William and Kate.  I must admit I have been as much caught up with the pomp and pageantry as everyone else.  The last royal wedding I saw was the one between Princess Diana and Prince Charles.  At the time they called it a “Fairy Tale Wedding”.  Tragically the fairy tale ended shortly after the “I do’s”.

British tabloids and the media enjoy comparing Princess Diana’s and Charles’ wedding with the upcoming wedding of William and Kate and it disturbs me how the media (and others) tend to make early predictions on whether the marriage will succeed or fail based on criteria that compares Kate with Diana.

I thought it was a sweet gesture on William’s part to give Kate his mother’s engagement ring…the media thinks it’s a bad omen…”look what happened to Diana” they say.  Some media folk wonder if Kate will handle the paparazzi that hounds her like they hounded Diana.  Odds-makers are laying bets on how soon Kate will “crack” under the pressure.  Are you kidding me???

Then there is the disturbing comparison that Diana was a virgin when she married Charles and according to the gossip media, that explained one reason why the marriage failed.  Kate and William lived together during their eight year relationship before marriage, so according to the media, their marriage will succeed because they “knew” each other before marriage.  What kind of a message does THAT send to our young people?

Here are some statistics on living together before marriage from Michael McManus, author of the book Marriage Savers. Statistically speaking, living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce.

  • The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.
  • More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.
  • About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry.
  • Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.
  • Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.
  • A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.

Here are some more statistics relating to the children of cohabiting parents.

  • Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent.
  • Children of cohabiting parents are three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents.
  • Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to be incarcerated.

I will admit that there is a “fairy tale” fascination with Royalty and the wedding tomorrow will likely be watched by billions of people around the world, including myself, swept up in the story.  But after the “I do’s”, William and Kate, like it or not, will be the role models to this generation’s youth.  Certainly, I wish William and Kate all the best, but more importantly I pray that they will think beyond their wedding day to focus on their marriage that should stand the test of time if they take their vows seriously, if not, the odds are already stacked against them.

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Whine Kicking

Posted on April 14, 2011 by Lynn

Last May I wrote an article on “Mood Kicking”, a good reminder from Oswald Chambers that “moods never go by praying, moods go by kicking”.  Well Oswald is kicking it again…this time we’re whine kicking!

Last Friday, after spending two weeks on holiday in San Diego, I couldn’t wait to see my grandbaby, Jaxon again.  I had missed him so much and so my daughter and son-in-law dropped in before our bags were even unpacked so I could get my grandma fix.  I was rocking my grandson, marveling at how much he had grown in just two weeks when my daughter dropped the “bomb”.  They were going to be moving to Louisville, Kentucky so her husband could attend the Southern Baptist Seminary there to get his Biblical Counselling degree.

I should have been happy.  I should have rejoiced with them, instead I looked down at my grandson and it felt like my heart imploded.  The realization of being separated hit me like a two by four and I started to weep.  I wept right through the weekend.  I barely ate, I barely slept.  I couldn’t pray.  I knew I was spiraling into a depression and my husband commented that he had never ever seen me so down.

I did have conversations with God but truly it was more of the whining and complaining nature.  I don’t try to convince God to see it my way, I’ve learned better than that, but still I figured He could be reasoned with.  Maybe if He knew all the “facts” He’d be inclined to put up some road blocks to stop them from leaving me.  Yes, if I just whined long enough…

Yeah, you guessed it…God allowed me to have my tirade and my pity party and then He spoke to me through a book I was reading by my friend, Connie Cavanaugh, “Following God One Yes At a Time“.  I had started reading the book in February but then Jaxon was born and I shelved a lot of my reading for a few months.  Until in the depths of my deepening depression this week, I picked up Connie’s book and read the chapters on how fear, pride, guilt, shame, comparison, and doubt are barriers to following God.  It was the chapter on “fear” that dropped me to my knees in my living room…the message hitting me right between the eyes.

“Fear can become a barrier behind which we cower, too afraid to say the next yes.  Or fear can be the pathway on which we move forward, one yes at a time, perhaps slowly and painfully, but hand-in-hand with God.  Every time we choose to believe God and say yes with our feet, a brick comes off the wall fear built and gets placed squarely in front of us to become a stepping-stone that takes us toward fulfillment of God’s dream for us.” (Pp. 150-151 “Following God One Yes At a Time”)

I realized that I was so fearful of losing my kids and my new grandbaby; not having them near me, that not only was I not saying “Yes” to their call, but I might be the barrier that might prevent them from saying “Yes” too.  I was thwarting God’s plans and purposes for their (and my) lives by allowing human fear to overcome Godly fear.  There is a difference you know and Connie makes reference to Kathy Howard’s Bible Study, Before His Throne:

“(Godly fear) is a spiritual attitude that will draw us deeper into our relationship with God…Although we normally view fear as a negative concept, the Bible, particularly in the wisdom literature, depicts the fear of God as a positive characteristic.  In fact, God’s Word makes it clear that fear is the proper response to a holy God.” Kathy Howard, Before His Throne: Discovering the Wonder of Intimacy with a Holy God (Birmingham, AL: New Hope Publishers, 2008), p. 9.

Then this morning I read in “My Utmost for His Highest”:

“Whom the Lord loveth, He chasteneth.  How petty our complaining is!…”To them that have no might He increaseth strength.”  God comes and takes us out of our sentimentality, and our complaining turns into a paean of praise…If you have the whine in you, kick it out ruthlessly.  It is a positive crime to be weak in God’s strength.”  – Oswald Chambers

So this morning not only have I been “mood-kicking” I’ve been “whine kicking” too.  Yes, I’ve been getting in quite a spiritual work out!  The result?…I phoned my sweet daughter and even though my voice cracked and tears were streaming down my face as we talked, I told her I would support them unconditionally as they followed God’s call in their lives.

Oswald reminded me “The fact that the peace and the light and the joy of God are there is proof that the burden is there too.  The burden God places squeezes the grapes and out comes the wine…”  (Note: not “whine” but “wine”!)

It’s not going to be easy to say “Yes” this time.  I suppose that’s the whole point of leaning on God’s strength and not on my own.   I’ll admit I’m still dragging a little, a little exhausted and a little weary (and I know I’ll need lots of prayer over the next few months as I prepare to say goodbye to my precious daughter, son-in-law and Jaxon), but already I feel a lightening of the load and I know God is supporting most of the weight.

Posted in Family Life, Inspiration & Devotion, Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Rest for the Weary

Posted on April 11, 2011 by Lynn

I have just come back from spending ten glorious days in San Diego!  Now for all San Diegans, they may wonder how their fair city is considered “glorious”…I mean when you live there 365 days a year you might not appreciate the touristy places anymore.  I suppose you can only visit the zoo or Sea World so many times before you’re just sick of them…or you can only spend so much time surfing and suntanning on the beaches.  (Are you kidding me?)

This mountain gal absolutely soaked up the ocean views, the sun, the seagulls, the palm trees and I would have gone every single day to Sea World if my family would have allowed me.  Sadly after two days spent there, they were saying they had enough of Shamu.  (Are they kidding me?)

The thing about holidays is not so much seeing new sites (which I love), or experiencing new things (which I also love), it is time spent with my family that I love the very most.  I tend to laugh more, be more relaxed.  I don’t nag my kids to finish homework or empty the dishwasher.  I don’t talk with my husband about work.  Every day is a new adventure.  “What should we do today?” is our daily mantra and we live each day from sun up to sun down taking in all the day has to offer.  There are new places to see, new foods to experience.

The scenery is so different on the ocean compared to the mountain views we have here at home.  We’re land-locked at home, so water, water and more water is something we just can’t get enough of when we holiday.  We went whale watching and experienced the sights and sounds of a humpback whale spouting past our boat.  That surpasses our gopher-sightings here on our acreage, don’t you think?  We ate Mexican food in Old Town and shopped (almost until we dropped) at the Las Americas Outlet shops.  Oh, and when we got back to The Dana on Mission Beach (where we stayed and called “home” for ten days) we lounged by the pool, swimming and tanning and planning what we would do the next day.  Glorious.

When I come back from a wonderful holiday I better understand why God was very purposeful when He created the Sabbath.  Holidays make me very aware why we are called to rest one day out of seven.  I’m not good about doing that here at home…it’s like I save up all the Sabbath days during the year and compile them into extended holidays.  I don’t rest enough on Sundays…there’s too many “could have, would have, should have” thoughts running through my mind those days.  I feel guilty resting when there’s stuff I could, would, should be doing instead of just resting at home.  But on holidays I rest.  I experience Sabbath rest.  Rest for the weary.

I need another holiday…soon!

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