A Wedding Dress, A Rainbow, a Rose Garden and Chemo

Posted on June 25, 2019 by Lynn

Puzzled by the title?  Wondering how a wedding dress, a rainbow, a rose garden and finally chemo should be linked all together?  Well, it’s been an interesting few days for me and it started with wedding dress shopping with my youngest child, Carmen, Francesca her sister-in-law-to-be, and Lizzy, Carmen’s BFF.  Carmen is to be married July 18, 2020 and we had planned to go dress shopping in September but then all my health issues came up.  Carmen decided, quite spur of the moment, to book a few appointments at dress shops before my first round of chemo so I could immerse myself in the day without my health interfering with the enjoyment.  Also she knew that I’d be a bit self-conscious to shop AFTER chemo with no hair.  (She knows me too well.)  So on Saturday I accompanied her to a boutique in Calgary for her to try on a few gowns.

It was the first dress she tried on, and it just so happened to be the dress I had picked out for her that made us all gasp in unison.  I knew just by looking at her radiant face that this was THE dress.  Of course, she tried on about a half a dozen more gowns for comparison sake but her expression was not the same in those dresses.  Her comments were not as enthusiastic. “It’s a nice dress but…” she would say.  I could see that she was conflicted wondering how she could have fallen in love so quickly with the very first dress she had ever tried on.  I pointed out that her older sister had done the same thing, said, “Yes!” to the very first dress she tried on, and Francesca said she chose the first dress she tried on too.  (She will be married in August.)  I told Carmen to put on the first gown again and asked the consultant to put a veil on her.  We ALL knew the moment the veil was put on that this was THE dress.  My child stood regally in front of the mirror and I just stepped back with my mother’s heart bursting at the sight of her.  Floods of memories rained down on me, remembering her as a pixie child, constantly getting into scrapes, my free-spirited child with the sunshiny personality; wide smiles, a tender heart, and now a young woman standing there in the most perfect of wedding gowns, that seemed like it was made just for her!

What a perfect day!  I was so thankful I could be included and honoured she chose the dress I had picked out.  I will have those memories for a lifetime!  I spent the weekend pouring over the pictures we had snapped of Carmen in her wedding gown.  We will keep them secretly stored away so her handsome groom, Jack will only see her in the dress on their wedding day.  Still, going through the pictures kept me distracted from thinking about what awaited me on Monday.

Chemo Day.

I woke up early and before I got out of bed I prayed, “LORD, I’m not ready for this.  Would you just let me know You’re with me?  I can’t do this without You.”  I came downstairs and looked out the window and beheld the most glorious rainbow and sky I had ever seen!  Immediately Genesis 9:16 came to mind: “Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

I burst into tears at the sight.  I ran out and snapped these pictures and just knew in my heart that God put that rainbow in the sky to encourage me when I most needed it.  I praised Him and thanked Him for this visual reminder that He is ever present, He will never leave me or forsake me!

I purposefully dressed in chamo (or is it spelled camo?), anyway, I figured I should be in battle colours as I prepared myself for my battle with cancer once again.  I sent my kids the picture and my daughter, Laurelle responded by finding this image and posted it on her Facebook page.

I felt the prayers of so many as my husband and I drove to the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic for my six hour appointment.  Once again, it all came back to me.  The sights, the sounds, the smell.  I was even led to the same chair I had sat in so many years previous.  I had asked people to pray specifically that the nurse would find a vein easily for my IV because that was the one thing I dreaded the most on chemo day.  (I have actually made nurses cry trying to take blood from me or finding veins for IV’s.  My veins just don’t want to cooperate!)  God heard and answered our prayers and with one poke of the needle, which I didn’t even feel, the IV was in!  Then the chemical treatment began.

Six hours is a long time to sit in a chair, hooked up to an IV with life-changing drugs being pumped into my body but I felt at complete peace and with my husband by my side, we passed the time quite pleasantly.  My kids texted me throughout the process and it was during one of those texting conversations I discovered that a close friend at the seminary had decided to dedicate her peach-coloured Olds College roses in her newly-planted rose garden to me and to our family to support us through this new journey with cancer.  Peach is the symbolic colour that represents uterine cancer.  I was so overwhelmed by this loving gesture.  (Elaine, I know you read this, so plan on my coming up soon so we can get a picture together by the roses!)

In 2001, I was so blessed to have a great team of nurses minister to me throughout my treatments and I discovered quickly that this new team of caring nurses would be equally to the task of making these chemo treatments as pleasant as possible this go-round.  As Jill checked on my IV, I had a distinct feeling I recognized her.  I asked her if she had worked in the unit in 2001 and she said she had and then she said, “You know, you look familiar to me too!”  How cool is that?  That God would have us cross paths again!

After the chemo treatment, as we did in 2001, my husband took me for dinner to a seafood restaurant so I could fill up on a good meal before the effects of chemo prevents me from wanting to eat much.  We know what’s to come.  We pray the side-effects are minimal, all my prayer warriors are praying to that end.

Today, as I blog, I am feeling no ill effects.  Praise the Lord!

I read this Scripture verse this morning: “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.  Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you.  Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.  For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.  In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”  (Psalm 143:8-12)

I know when David penned those words he was facing many men who wanted him dead.  His enemies were men, my enemies are invading cancer cells in my body.  Just as David cried out to God to save him from his enemies, I cry out to God to preserve my life, to bring me out of trouble and destroy my cancer foes.  I look forward to the end of this cancer treatment, to declare I’m cancer-free AGAIN and to see my beautiful daughter radiant in her perfect dress on her wedding day. I continue to covet your prayers and your encouragement dear readers.  The battle has just started!

 

 

 

Posted in Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

There and Back Again

Posted on June 21, 2019 by Lynn

My husband and I came back from a wonderful week away taking in the Word Award Gala evening in Hamilton on June 14, as well as visiting family in Ottawa.  Although I did not win in the categories I was shortlisted in, I thoroughly enjoyed attending the Gala, just happy to be amongst such a wonderful group of writers.  Truly, I was made to feel like a star!

The highlight of the trip was a beautiful day spent exploring Niagara-on-the-Lake, and having a quiet lunch with my sweetie.  It wasn’t the 40th Anniversary Trip we had originally planned, but just being away together making memories was wonderful!  I was so grateful to my family doctor for giving his permission for me to travel even though I was still recovering from my surgery.

So it was there and back again.  New memories made, refreshed to return back home…to reality…

I met with my surgical oncologist yesterday to go over the latest pathology reports in depth.  I am even more grateful for my time away after the consultation yesterday because it looks like I won’t be taking any trips for a while.  I start chemotherapy on Monday.

I thought I had adequately prepared myself for this part of the battle. I had hoped, of course, that surgery was all that was needed, and I had convinced myself that I could avoid chemo because the surgery had removed the problematic organs. I had tried to decipher some of the medical jargon on an early pathology report I was given, but it was obvious I had totally misunderstood what I read in it and my amateurish internet research only exacerbated my misunderstanding. (Note to self: don’t use Google to self-diagnose.)

So, with an updated pathology report in her hand yesterday, when my oncologist spoke the words, their impact hit me like a sledgehammer to my gut.  “Endometrial cancer – Stage 3A.”  What I had mistakingly thought was early stage Ovarian Cancer was in fact Uterine Cancer.  The cancer had started in the uterus and spread into the ovaries with some indication it had invaded the lymphatic system as well.  Her recommendation: six rounds of chemotherapy followed by radiation.

I could see the news hit my sweet husband just as hard as it hit me. I had faced four rounds of chemo in 2001 with my breast cancer diagnosis.  I knew what lay ahead of me, but I knew what lay ahead for my husband too.  He practically had to rope and tie me to get me to my final treatment. I had been so sick I wasn’t sure I could face the last round.  To think I would have to face six rounds of chemo this go-round caught me totally off-guard.  It was all I could do to hold myself together and not crumple to the floor in despair.

“This might be a dumb question,” I blurted almost incoherently to my oncologist, “but if you had your druthers, which would you prefer to have – ovarian or uterine cancer?”  She did not hesitate, “Uterine, hands down.”  It was small comfort. I wondered if the doctor would have responded differently had I been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Was that her standard response to say one cancer was “better” than another one in terms of survival? I suppose when you have any kind of cancer diagnosis you will grasp at anything that gives you some kind of encouragement for the battle ahead.  She continued, “You can beat this.  If we treat this aggressively, your prognosis is good.  The goal is for you never to have it (cancer) come back again.”

That’s what my oncologist had said nineteen years ago…and yet, here I was facing cancer again.

I knew I couldn’t dwell on that.  I turned to my husband and with more bravado than I felt said, “Okay, let’s get this done!”

The next few hours were filled with meeting with doctors and nurses to go over the “chemo cocktail” they were planning to pump into my body, and to pick up the other drugs I would need to cope with the side effects of chemo.  I had hoped they would tell me that things had much improved with chemotherapy from what I had experienced nineteen years earlier. No such luck.  As they listed each side effect, I could not stop the flow of unpleasant memories flooding back to me.

There and back again. History repeating itself.

A massive pity party was bubbling up threatening to overwhelm me. Why was God allowing this to happen to me again? I had been so positive before surgery, and had recovered so “remarkably well” according to the doctors. I knew God had answered prayer and His activity had been so evident around me before, during, and after surgery. Why was I freaking out now? Surely I had to believe that God was in as much control of this situation as He had been over the past few months, right? He had always been faithful in every circumstance I faced throughout my life! Why was I now questioning God’s goodness at this time? I remembered the scripture I had read during my devotions that morning:

“I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise. I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name
for your unfailing love and your faithfulness, for you have so exalted your solemn decree that it surpasses your fame. When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me. May all the kings of the earth praise you, Lord, when they hear what you have decreed. May they sing of the ways of the Lord, for the glory of the Lord is great. Though the Lord is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though lofty, he sees them from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me. The Lord will vindicate me; your love, Lord, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands.” Psalm 138: 1-8

Though I walk in the midst of trouble…

His love endures forever…

God will not abandon me!

I ask for your prayers, dear readers, as I start chemo next week. I know it will be a tough journey but when I struggle in my weakness I will be strengthened by your prayers! God is good!

There and back again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Run the Race Marked Out for You

Posted on June 11, 2019 by Lynn

It is no secret that I am an enthusiastic sports fan. My sweet husband and children cannot stymie my outbursts as I cheer perhaps a little too loudly for my favourite team, especially during the playoffs. I enjoy watching almost all team sports but I appreciate and applaud exceptional individual achievements no matter what sport an athlete may compete in.

I was never a particularly great athlete myself. Truth be told, I wasn’t even a mediocre athlete. I had no natural abilities. I tried a few sports but I just did not have the talent. My soccer coach in high school, bless his heart, allowed me to run up and down the field for a few shifts each game basically so I could have the experience and to enjoy the close camaraderie of team competition. He had no serious expectations I would ever score any goals or set up any scoring plays. I think he was thankful whenever I survived a shift because I had the uncanny ability to block shots with my face. In one game alone I was carried off the field twice, struck senseless by a ball ricocheting off my nose. After that fateful game he determined the safest place for me was on the sidelines where I could loudly cheer for my team mates.

My track coach also discovered what I lacked in athletic ability I more than made up for in vocalizing encouragement for others. He made me house team Captain during a school sports day, not because of any athletic prowess I possessed, but based entirely on the fact I could yell the loudest, effectively spurring my teammates onto victory with my incessant encouragement.  It came as just as much a shock to him and to me when I participated in and won the girl’s high jump event that year.  As I proudly walked up to him wearing my first place ribbon, he did not congratulate me, as would have been good coaching protocol, but asked incredulously, “Where in the world did you get that ribbon?  Did you find it on the ground?”

I should have been hurt by his assuming I did not earn the ribbon by my own merits, but instead, I smiled and sauntered past him and said, “I came in first in high jump!”  I neglected to add how I managed that extraordinary feat but it became obvious when the three girls who were supposed to have come in first, second and third place, limped past us.  Each of them in succession had managed to careen over the pole and land with enough force to injure themselves thus leaving the last competitor, me, the last gal standing and the winner by default.

I am in week four of my recovery from major surgery and I have little else to do but rest and allow time to heal.  Thankfully, I have enjoyed the NHL Hockey playoffs and the NBA playoffs during this “down” time.  Unfortunately, no Canadian teams are in the finals of the Stanley Cup playoffs.  I honestly do not care who eventually wins out between the St. Louis Blues and the Boston Bruins, but I always seem to cheer for the “underdogs” so this year I’m throwing support behind the St. Louis Blues who haven’t taken home a cup in forty-nine years.

It’s a different story with the NBA playoffs.  This is the first time I’ve actually watched basketball since my brother played on our small town high school team in the 70’s.  I was the team statistician and occasionally I was also the score keeper for the home games.  I can’t say I was enamoured with the game then, but I did like hanging out with tall basketball players.  So, for close to forty-five years I haven’t followed the game or the NBA with any kind of interest…until this year.

The Toronto Raptors, the only Canadian team in the NBA, are in the finals for the very first time in their franchise history.  Up until two weeks ago I did not know any of the player’s names, much less their rise in the NBA league, but I have become a Raptor fan in short order.  Canadians have embraced this team with patriotic furor.  I have great respect for the players of both the Raptors and the Golden State Warriors who can throw a three pointer on a consistent basis.  I don’t understand all the rules, but I enjoy the games and I laugh at the antics of Drake, Canadian Rapper extraordinaire, on the side lines, as he and the thousands of other diehard Raptor fans cheer on their favourite team.

Raptors “Superfan” was interviewed after a game and I couldn’t help but take note when he said, “One more game, God willing, and we are the Champs!”

God willing.

I find that comment interesting.  It is as if he is assuming that God will determine the outcome of each game.  Does He?  I’ve asked that question before.  Is God a sports fan?  CNN wrote an article in 2010: “When did God become a sports fan?”

“It’s hard to pinpoint when athletes started invoking God on game day. The late NFL Hall of Famer Reggie White, the “Minister of Defense,” was one of the first professional athletes to routinely thank Jesus after victories during his career in the 1990s.

Baker, the author, says that as far back as 1943, Gil “The Flying Parson” Dodds, an American distance runner, would give Jesus credit for his victories. Dodds signed autographs with a scriptural reference to Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”).

One of the first professional athletes to attract criticism for invoking God after victory was Michael Chang, an American professional tennis player.

Chang won the French Open in 1989 as a 17-year-old underdog. He was booed by a Parisian crowd when he thanked Jesus for his victory at the tournament’s trophy presentation.

Chang, who now helps runs a Christian Sports League in California, says he thanked Jesus not to gloat, but to show gratitude.

“When I go out there and share my faith, I’m not saying God is on my side and he’s not on your side,” Chang says. “The Lord loves everybody, and the Lord is on everyone’s side.”

In a week, both the NHL and NBA finals will have concluded.  There will be celebrations for the winner and the losing team will commiserate and feel the loss profoundly.  Will the teams praise God for the win, or blame God for the loss?  I am always a little concerned when athletes (and fans) praise God for the wins, but neglect to praise Him for the losses as well.  After all, shouldn’t Christians praise Him all the time?

So, I will pray that the athletes of all the teams will show good sportsmanship whatever the outcome.  I pray the fans will also show good character in the manner they celebrate a win, as well as how they graciously accept defeat.  I will pray that Christian athletes will understand the importance of giving Glory to God whether they come in first or come in last.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”  Hebrews 12:1-3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Canadiana, Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment