Friday Funnies – New Year’s Resolutions for Dogs and Cats

I’ve never been very good with keeping New Year’s resolutions.  In fact my dog will probably do better with his New Year’s resolutions than I would with mine.  So for today’s Friday Funny let’s look at what a dog’s resolutions might beNew-year-puppy:

  1. I will not play tug-of-war with my human’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
  2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
  3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  4. I will not throw up in the car.
  5. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  6. I will not lick my human’s face after eating “Kitty Litter Box Crunchies”
  7. I will remember that the diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  8. I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
  9. I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on T.V.
  10. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  11. I will remember that my head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  12. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for my human’s driver’s license and car registration.

Being equal opportunity how about a cat’s resolutions for the New Year:

  • If my human will never let me eat her pet hamster, I am at peace with that.
  • I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
  • I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I’m getting plenty of roughage.
  • I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)New-Years-1resized
  • I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
  • I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
  • I will try to remember that I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
  • I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
  • I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
  • I will remember that if I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
  • I will not play “dead cat on the stairs” while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
  • I will not swat my human’s head repeatedly when she’s on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
  • When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
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