Only in Canada, eh?

Thought we just needed to laugh at ourselves today!  Enjoy!

Only in Canada…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Canada…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in Canada…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Canada…do people order double cheese burgers, large fries and a diet coke.

Only in Canada…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Canada…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in Canada…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Canada…do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.

Only in Canada…do we define ‘politics’ this way: “poli” in latin meaning ‘many’ and “tics” meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

Only in Canada…do they have drive-up ATM machines with braille lettering.

Only in Canada…do the local papers cover national and international headlines on two pages, but require six pages for hockey.

Only in Canada…can you play road hockey on skates.

Only in Canada…Halloween costumes are designed to fit over snowsuits.

Only in Canada…do the mosquitoes have landing lights….oh, and the most effective mosquitoe repellent is a shotgun.

Only in Canada…does your snowblower have more kilometres on it than your car.

Only in Canada…do you clean the grease off your barbeque so you won’t attract bears onto your porch.

Only in Canada…does your municipality pay for a Zamboni before a commuter bus.

Only in Canada…is every Canadian required to learn both the French and English versions of ‘O Canada’

Only in Canada…do we spend billions of dollars advertising everything in two ‘official’ languages (French and English) when less than 30% of Canadians actually speak french….and they all live in Quebec.

Only in Canada…do we understand the phrase, “Would you mind passing me a serviette as I just dropped my poutine on your chesterfield?”

Only in Canada…do we know what a “toque” is.

Only in Canada…do we know that the last letter of the alphabet is pronounced, “Zed” not “Zee”…and it does not faze us when we sing the Alphabet Song.

Only in Canada…do we have four seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road/work construction.

Only in Canada…has nearly every kid had their tongue frozen to something.

Only in Canada…do we add “u’s” to the following words so they’re spelled right: labor, honor, color, neighbor

And last but not least…

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Twelve.  Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that this joke was not translated into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of the First Nations peoples have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.

Only in Canada, eh?

This entry was posted in Canadiana, Friday Funnies, Hope through Humour and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Only in Canada, eh?

  1. Pingback: Only in Canada, eh? – Be Encouraged! The BM Factor

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