Monday is Pun Day!

Posted on October 27, 2014 by Lynn

vh-funny-puns-delete-cookiesIt’s Monday and so I decided to start my week off with PUNS!

For Lexophiles

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. A backward poet writes inverse.
4. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
5. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
6. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
7. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
8. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
9. A calendar’s days are numbered.
10. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
11. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
12. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
13. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
14. When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
15. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
16. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
17. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
18. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of defeat.
19. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
20. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
21. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
22. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
23. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
24. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
25. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
26. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
27. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
28. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
29. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
30. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
31. Don’t join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.
Posted in Friday Funnies, Hope through Humour | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Running On Empty

Posted on October 9, 2014 by Lynn

imagesFX3JUEJ0Everyone goes through it at some point.  The gas gauge needle is pointing towards the “E” and in some cars the light starts to flash or there’s a little beep that is supposed to remind you that your car is close to being empty of gas and if you don’t pull into a gas station soon the car will sputter and die from lack of gas.

It’s a great analogy about our spiritual lives, except we don’t have little warning lights or “beeps” that go on to remind ourselves that we’re running on empty.  Instead, we start to sputter and cough and before we realize what’s happening, we’re stopped.  Stopped dead in our tracks.

It may require a boost to get us going again.  A boost like a crisis that requires us to refocus and redirect our lives back to God.  It may be an actual death in the family, where we are reminded of the frailty of life and we need to re-evaluate our own lives.  It may be a mountain-top experience like a retreat or a conference that re-charges our batteries and keeps us going, for a little while at least.

I’ve noticed that when I stall out spiritually a good boost does help for awhile but it’s a short-term solution to the real problem.  Just like a car that needs daily upkeep to keep its engine running smoothly to avoid breaking down, I need to spend time daily recharging MY spiritual batteries by spending time talking to God and spending time in His Word.  If I don’t, it won’t be long before I will be running on empty and worse, completely stalled out and in need of a boost or a good push to get me going again.

A good push?  Just like a car dead in the middle of the road, a couple of well-meaning good Samaritans may come along to help push that vehicle off to the side of the road and may even stay with you while you wait for a tow truck.  Without their help, you’d be stuck there.  It’s amazing how that analogy works with spiritual stalling out too.  I don’t always have the will power myself to get out of the slump on my own.  That’s when I need a good “push” to get rolling again.

I have several friends who always seem to be available with a smile and a hug.  They check up to see if my spiritual gauge is starting to point down.  When I need a boost they get me back on track.  They always know what to say and pray to get me recharged!

Are you running on empty?  Maybe you need a boost or maybe a good push so you don’t stall out.  Look for ways to recharge those spiritual batteries but don’t forget that daily maintenance is necessary for optimal performance.

 

 

 

Posted in Inspiration & Devotion, Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Selective Hearing

Posted on October 1, 2014 by Lynn

As every parent with a teenager knows, with the territory comes some challenges.  In today’s tech age, just getting a teen’s attention at times can be virtually (pardon the pun) impossible.  Now my parents never had that techy-type problem with my brother and I.  We had selective hearing.  We could easily ignore their calls to come wash dishes or take the garbage out.  What we didn’t like to hear (or do), we would ignore.  We never missed dinner or dessert calls.  Selective hearing…it had its advantages.

Today’s teens are different though.  With iPods plugged into their ears most of the time, they honestly cannot hear you when you call them for anything.  We have an intercom in our house, installed by previous owners who were tired of yelling up the stairs for their teens to come down for dinner or chores.  I forgot that we had it when my teens lived at home and so after my voice was hoarse from calling to them upstairs, my husband tried the intercom.  The volume was set at maximum and I nearly fell over backwards from the blast of his voice reverberating around the house.  Did my kids hear him?  No.

I’m sure that years from now, a scientific study will discover that hearing loss in the next generation can be accredited to prolonged iPod usage, and gaming headphones.

I have discovered however, that today’s teen has no trouble hearing the tiny “ting” of a text message coming in on their cell phone.  They can’t hear their mother screech at them to empty the dishwasher, but the “ting” of a text has them scrambling to find their phone.  Selective hearing.

Another thing about this generation of teens is their inability to communicate vocally.  My daughter actually texts faster than she talks.  Again, there will be another study in the future that claims that texting has caused the next generation to have the inability to speak.  Tongues may one day become another vestigial organ.  At least it will be a quiet generation I guess.

I will admit that over the years I have selective hearing.  Yep.  Especially when God is calling me.  I have fine-tuned my ability to hear God’s Voice when He’s asking me to do something (that I like to do), or if He’s saying something (about me) that I like to hear.  It’s funny how fast I can jump to attention when I am getting my pride stroked, or I’m involved in something I just LOVE to do.  But watch me ignore God’s Voice when He asks me to do something I DON’T like or if He’s disciplining me.  Wow.

Sometimes I wonder if God is hoarse trying to get my attention sometimes!  God does speak, but it’s not okay for me to choose to listen to only those things I want to hear.  Selective hearing then becomes disobedience, plain and simple.

Do you suffer from selective hearing when it comes to listening and then responding to God?  Or perhaps you’re more like a teenager, too distracted with technology and being “plugged in” you simply can’t hear anything?

“So, as the Holy Spirit says: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested and tried me, though for forty years they saw what I did.  That is why I was angry with that generation; I said, ‘Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.’  So I declared on oath in my anger, They shall never enter my rest.’ ”  See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.”  (Hebrews 3:7-12)

 

 

 

Posted in Inspiration & Devotion, Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments