Parenting 101- What to Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied.

Posted on September 17, 2014 by Lynn

I have three very unique, very different children.  I am constantly amazed by them!  Certainly there have been times  that I (and they) have questioned my sanity…or lack thereof…in trying to parent these children but for the most part I wouldn’t trade a minute of it!

My daughter Laurelle is now a grown, married woman.  She is a phenomenal young woman with a passion for teaching and raising my two grandbabies in the “way they should go”.  I had no idea when we signed her up in kindergarten french immersion way back when, that one day she would actually teach French to other children and to my grandchildren!  How did that happen?  God had a plan and a purpose for her for today but the journey started many years ago.  Who knew?  God did.

I remember that little girl learning to ride a bike.  She fell off that thing more than she stayed on.  At one point, after crashing once again to the pavement, she picked herself up and in tears kicked the seat with all her might announcing to her father that she would never learn to ride a bike!  It’s hard for a parent to watch their children struggle, but it’s also a time to instill a value, “Don’t give up!  Don’t quit!”  her Dad said, and taking her by the hand, straightened her helmet, and plunked her back on the bike.  “You can do it!”  he said and with a push, he sent her on her way again.  Yes, she wobbled and yes she even fell off a few more times but eventually her perseverance paid off and she mastered bike riding.  It was hard but she didn’t quit.

In grade seven, Laurelle became the victim of bullying.  It was the worst time of our lives.  She had become the primary target of sBullyingome malicious girls at her school who took great pleasure in undermining everything about her.  They called her degrading names; called her stupid, and maligned her every chance they could.  They tripped her, pushed her into her locker and laughed at her.  Her marks plummeted, she started to look sickly and pale.  She started to dress in sombre colours and she rarely smiled.  She had few friends and at one point she wanted to die.  Her father and I tried to question her about school but she was tight-lipped and was a good enough actress at home to make us believe that everything was okay.  We had no idea how serious the bullying situation had become until her piano teacher, who was also a close personal friend, called me and said that Laurelle had confided to her in the middle of her piano lesson that she was thinking thoughts of suicide.  In horror and in panic, I ransacked her room looking for anything that she might use to hurt herself, instead I found her diary.

As a parent, you make split second decisions some times.  In this case to save her life was much more important than respecting her privacy.  I didn’t hesitate.  Page after page of heart wrenching pain was written in her handwriting.  I wept with grief over what my child was going through at school, things she had never shared with us.  When I confronted her later about it, she was horrified I had read her most private thoughts.  I had betrayed her trust.  I didn’t apologize for that.  I wished I had done it sooner.

For a day or two, Laurelle was more angry with me than she was at the bullies at school.  I was okay with that.  Now that I knew what was really going on in her life I could come alongside her and help, even though she rejected that at first.  We immediately contacted the school, set up meetings with the school counsellor, her teachers, and the principal and we illicited prayer support from our church family.  Over the next several weeks, everywhere Laurelle turned she heard, “Don’t give up!  Don’t quit!”    God placed people in her life that supported her, encouraged her, and loved her.  Bullying had caused her to lose hope.  She felt alone and afraid.  Now she was surrounded by people who wanted to help her.  She wasn’t alone and it gave her hope.

Laurelle’s school counsellor, a precious young woman, told Laurelle to journal her thoughts and her pain to God and to trust Him to help her.  Although I had said much the same thing previously to her, she wasn’t ready to listen to me yet because she was still mad I had invaded her privacy, so I praised God when He used another person to speak to her.  It was truly a “God thing” because in this particular public school, teachers and counsellors did not give spiritual advice to their students, they were discouraged from doing so in fact, but I believe God gave this woman boldness to speak to Laurelle about embracing her faith in God and it impacted Laurelle at a critical time in her life.  She also gave Laurelle some very practical ways to “stand up” to the bullies at school.

  • Hold your head up.  Act confident.  Do not retaliate or get angry.  (Bullies are intimidated by those who do not fear them.)
  • Respond evenly and firmly to them or say nothing and walk away.
  • Develop other friendships and stick up for each other.
  • If bullying continues, tell someone, preferably a trusted adult.  Tell your parents, a trusted teacher, counsellor, or principal.

Within several weeks, after rededicating her life back to God and then utilizing the strategies her counsellor had given her to combat the bullies, Laurelle’s confidence came back.  She developed new friendships and her once tiny circle of friends grew.  Eventually her group of friends was much larger than the “bully group” and as such the “safety in numbers” factor cut in.  The bullies lost interest in tormenting her, and on occasion if they tried to intimidate her, she was no longer afraid of telling on them.  She got her “no quit” attitude back and it propelled her through the rest of the year and has remained with her ever since.

A while back I was on Facebook and noticed that one of Laurelle’s Facebook “friends” was one of the girls who had bullied her that fateful year in middle school.  I must admit I was quite surprised to see that Laurelle was actually corresponding back and forth with her quite regularly.  I marveled how God had helped her come to a place in her life where she could forgive and forget so completely.  When I commented about it to her, she just smiled.

Laurelle has had opportunity through the years to share her testimony regarding that bullying experience.  God has given her great sensitivity and compassion towards those young people who are victims of bullying.  She shares how angry she was at me for reading in her diary, but how glad she is that I did.  She shares how God brought people in to her life to help her, to encourage her and to love her at a time when she thought she was all alone.  And lastly she tells them: “Don’t give up!  Don’t quit!”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

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Remembering Sept. 11, 2001

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Lynn

I was recovering from my last round of chemotherapy.  My hair was starting to grow back, but I was still weak from my recent battle with breast cancer.  I had just stepped out of a shower and slowly starting my day when my husband called me from work and told me to turn on the T.V. telling me that there was a catastrophic plane crash in New York City.  I tuned in just in time to see the second plane careen into the World Trade Centre.  It’s one of those scenes you never forget in your lifetime.

On Sept. 11, 2001 terrorists hijacked four passenger jets, each carrying tanks full of fuel and large numbers of travelers enroute to various destinations in the U.S.  The hijackers commandeered the planes and deliberately flew to U.S. landmarks where catastrophic destruction was achieved: The World Trade Centre in NYC and the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia.  The fourth plane crashed in a field in Pennsylvania, just north of Camp David, the Presidential Retreat in Maryland.  Their efforts to destroy yet another U.S. landmark that day was thwarted by the heroic passengers on that plane.  Thousands of people were killed; property damage estimated in the billions of dollars, and yet, the world remembers today the countless acts of heroism and bravery by ordinary people who exemplified the human spirit and did extraordinary things!

Memorial Tribute at St. Paul’s to the Victims of Sept. 11, 2001

As a Canadian watching the drama unfold, I was overcome with emotion for my brothers and sisters in the U.S.  Words cannot adequately describe the shock and horror I felt on their behalf.  Later that afternoon, I gathered with many of my American friends who live and work here in Cochrane.  We met at our church and we wept and prayed, clinging to one another, drawn together in mutual grief over the tragic events of that day.

In 2008, my husband and I had the opportunity to visit NYC.  We had never been to the “Big Apple” before so in three short days, we tried to take in as many of the sights as we could in that amazing city.  Of course, one of the places we wanted to see was “Ground Zero”, the site where the Twin Towers of the World Trade Centre once stood.  Despite the fact it was over seven years after 9/11,  I felt a haunting solemnity in approaching the site.  The rebuilding was starting there, most of the rubble had been cleared away, and yet it was like thousands of voices were whispering in the wind: “Don’t ever forget about us!”

Tribute to the Firefighters, Police, Port Authority and Rescue Teams

Across the street from Ground Zero stands St. Paul’s Chapel.  It is one of the oldest churches in NYC.  Though situated directly across the street from the World Trade Centre, St.Paul’s Chapel miraculously sustained little damage.  The massive Sycamore trees, hundreds of years old, took most of the impact and shielded the tiny building from the flying debris when the Twin Towers collapsed.  As a result, not a single pane of the precious stained glass was broken.

Days after the tragic events of Sept. 11, 2001, families of the victims came to the church to grieve and receive comfort while they awaited news of loved ones who were missing or searching under the rubble of the World Trade Centre.  Later they put up memorials in tribute to those who lost their lives that day.  Each memorial has been left standing and lovingly maintained by the church, and the small congregation now serves and ministers to those families who suffered such loss on that fateful day.

Tributes were also sent from around the world for all the brave firefighters, police, port authority personnel and rescue teams who risked their own lives to save those trapped after the initial attack.  Unfortunately many of the numbered dead are those men and women who responded first to the emergency.

As my husband and I silently, reverently, passed by each display of tribute to those lost on Sept. 11, 2001, I was once again overwhelmed with emotion.

Looking towards Ground Zero from St. Paul’s Chapel. Take note of the blackened headstones as a result of 9/11 and a few of the Sycamore trees that protected the church that day.

As we returned to our hotel, we reflected on what we had just seen at Ground Zero and later walking through the theatre district and around Times Square, I was struck by how NYC had managed to rise above the ashes on that day.   As I thought about how that little church surrounded by Sycamore trees had been shielded and protected from harm on Sept. 11, 2001, a scripture verse came to mind:

“To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness.”      Isaiah 61:3

“Trees of Righteousness”… may it always be so!

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Say It Isn’t SNOW!

Posted on September 10, 2014 by Lynn

You will note that I haven’t been blogging as much these past couple of weeks as I settled into the routine of teaching full-time.  To those who think that teachers have an “easy” time…I beg to differ…the earliest I’ve been home from school since it started was 5:00 p.m.  Then, of course, I’ve brought papers and more to do at home, so I’ve usually not been done work until nearly 11 p.m. each night.  Yes that includes the weekends too.  Am I a keener?  Nope.  Just an ordinary Junior High School Teacher.

That said, TODAY I was actually home by 1 p.m. on account of a SNOW DAY!  Yep, you read it right…

Southern Alberta is buried under the earliest snowfall on record for Sept. 9th and 10th and after braving treacherous driving conditions to get to school this morning I learned too late that school was cancelled for the day.  My white-knuckled driving was all for naught I suppose, but I decided to play “catch-up” with lesson planning and long-range goal setting since I was at the school anyway so I almost feel like I can actually take the afternoon off and not think about unfinished school work.

Now, I’m not saying I like the idea of a SNOW DAY in September.  It’s sad that on Saturday it was summer here and +25 C and today it’s snowing and -2 C.  It’s like Alberta went from Summer to Winter and just skipped Fall entirely.  Fall is such a neglected season here some years.  The problem is that the trees were not in Winter mode yet, having not shed their summer greenery and leaves so this blast of winter has caused all kinds of problems as tree branches snap under the weight of heavy snow.  Power outages and slick driving conditions have me already saying “Bah Humbug” to winter and it’s only September!!!

Still, on my way home, my knuckles pale from gripping the steering wheel too tightly, while trying to avoid skittering off into a ditch all the way, I spotted something spectacular.  I stopped only metres from my driveway and snapped this picture of a white-tail.  She looked just as bewildered about this sudden turn of weather as I was.  I couldn’t help feeling awed and amazed by God’s creation around me.  The snow will likely melt in a day or two, that’s the way it goes here in Alberta, but I will always have this memory of today and I can’t help but feeling blessed.

Winter's Surprise

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