You will know if you’ve been checking out my Facebook statuses the last week that I have embarked on yet another new “adventure” for the next several months. I am teaching Junior High Language Arts full time covering a maternity leave for the regular teacher. It’s been a steep learning curve navigating around a new computer program, as well as setting up a classroom in preparation for the students to return to school especially since most of the teachers had to move entire classrooms, myself included to accommodate the phenomenal growth our school will see this year. One hundred more students than last year! Whew! Needless to say, it may be a bit of a challenge to blog as regularly as I have been but I’ll try!
I LOVE working at the school, a private Christian School, where I have been a regular substitute teacher for the past eight years. I know the students already, either by name or reputation ~ tee hee 🙂 so I’m pretty fortunate that I’m not really the “new” teacher on staff, however I am still relatively new to the back to school preparations the faculty and staff go through each year and it is truly a privilege to be amongst a group of teachers who will spend their first morning back at school praising and worshipping God! What a great way to start the year off!
Perhaps the most profound words I have remembered over time were spoken by a guest speaker in chapel several years ago, who asked all teachers to consider NINE LIFE/EDUCATIONAL PRINCIPLES TO LIVE BY:
~PURPOSE is more important than position.
~WHO YOU ARE is more important than what you do.
~PEOPLE are more important than things.
~RELATIONSHIPS are more important than skills.
~FEELINGS are more important than facts.
~VALUES are more important than knowledge.
~GIVING is more important than receiving.
~DEVELOPING OUR STRENGTHS is more important than correcting our weaknesses.
~The WALK is more important than the talk.
“Let us fix our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:2
I am blessed to be a Christian teacher, to interact each day with men and women who love the Lord and want each one of their students to grow in their faith and to become those disciples called by God to reach a hurt and hopeless world.
It is the start of another school year and as excited as I am to be back teaching full time, I know there are young people (and some adults particularly teachers and administrators), who are cringing about starting another year that may be filled with bullying and cyberbullying. Security measures are being put in place but Principals are already getting phone calls and emails from irate parents who are disappointed about some school policy change or the fact that their child did not get into the class they wanted. Some parents keep bullying teachers and administrators until they get what they want…sad but true. So today I am reposting a blog I wrote in 2010 about the insidiousness of bullying. Perhaps if we get the message out early this school year, there will not be as many victims walking the hallways of our schools!
It was 1996 and my daughter came off the bus for what seemed to me the 100th time, crying. No amount of coaxing would get her to confide to me what was bothering her but I noticed that over a few short months, my vivacious, happy-go-lucky girl had changed in appearance and personality. Always an extrovert, now she barely talked. Always a child who loved to wear bright colours, now she dressed in blacks and greys. She wouldn’t meet our eyes when we talked to her. Her marks at school plummeted. We talked with teachers, we met with the principal, but somehow we couldn’t break through some kind of “code of silence” that prevented her from sharing what was bothering her.
Finally one day I got a disturbing phone call from my daughter’s piano teacher. Not wanting to betray confidences, but still concerned that this was something that could not be kept from us, the piano teacher told me that Laurelle had confided in her that she was the victim of bullying. Laurelle then confessed that she did not know what to do and she was starting to think that the only way out of the bullying nightmare was to take her own life.
I was in a state of shock and panic. I remembered that Laurelle had a diary and I did something I never thought I would ever do…I invaded the privacy of her room and ransacked it to find the diary. Sure enough, on each page, written in her fine hand, were picture words of the torment my child faced just walking down the hallway of her school. Name calling, shunning, books knocked out of her hand, pushing, shoving, ostracizing. She would be tripped, pushed into her locker, laughed at and ridiculed. The bullying didn’t stop at school, it continued on the bus. She was called every known expletive demoralizing her spirit and her character.
I just sat on her bed, reading her words, and I wept. I wept because of what my child was going through and I wept out of guilt not realizing what was happening to her, and rebuking myself that I hadn’t added up all the signs and stepped in much, much sooner to help her.
When my daughter came home from school that afternoon, she was appalled and angry with me for invading her privacy, and reading her personal thoughts, but I did not apologize for that. I wrapped my arms around my child as she wept out of shame, humiliation and fear for her circumstances and then I told her she was “not alone anymore”.
I knew when I began my writing career that I would have to address the topic of bullying in my books. As a teacher and a youth leader and a parent, I have seen what bullying can do to a young person.
Recently I contacted Bill Belsey, President of Bullying.org Canada. Bill happens to live right here in Cochrane, and I thought since my books, Shoot the Wounded, Heal the Wounded and Love the Wounded deal at length with the topic of bullying, I wanted to be able to link our two websites so that we might bring even more exposure to this insidious topic. Bill eagerly wrote back, enthusiastically approving of the idea. Since then, both my books have been selected as “Helpful Resources” on what some consider the largest anti-bullying website in the world. I invite my readers (especially parents of teenagers) to go to Bill’s award-winning Web site: www.bullying.org and spread the word: Help STOP Bullying!
Bill Belsey is the father of two teenagers and a classroom teacher. He founded Bullying.org Canada over a decade ago. Mr. Belsey is a winner of the Prime Minister’s Award for Teaching Excellence in Science, Mathematics and Technology. He is also a recipient of the Royal Bank Fellowship from the Mathematics, Science and Technology Group at Queen’s University and the Roy C. Hill Fellowship for Innovations in Education from the Canadian Teacher’s Federation. In May 2006, Mr. Belsey received Canada’s National Technology Innovations Award from The Learning Partnership and his presentation “Change the World 101” was given the “Conference Award” as the most outstanding work presented during the entire gathering. In October 2006, Mr. Belsey was named as a Fellow of the World Technology Network in the Education category at a gala event at San Francisco’s City Hall. At this same ceremony, former U.S. Vice President Al Gore was inducted as a Fellow in the Environment category and Tim Burners-Lee, one of the co-creators of the World Wide Web, was honoured in the Internet category.
In November 2007 he was recognized with a nomination for the YMCA Peace Medal. Mr. Belsey was asked to offer his input into the United Nations International Research Study in Bangkok on Violence and Children. His print interviews have appeared in Parenting Magazine, the Globe and Mail, and the Christian Science Monitor. He has appeared numerous times on the CTV and CBC National News. He has been a consultant to “The Dr. Phil Show” and ABC News 20/20 with Diane Sawyer and “Anderson Cooper 360” on CNN. In an interview with Mr. Belsey on CBC TV’s “The National”, Peter Mansbridge referred to http://www.bullying.org as “One of the best Web sites in the world for children”.
Mr. Belsey, who now lives in Cochrane, Alberta, with his wife, Helene (also a teacher), and two teenage children, decided to return to the classroom. He currently teaches grade five at Springbank Middle School for the Rockyview School Division. To check out his students’ innovative work, do a Google search for “Canada’s Coolest Class” then click on “I’m feeling lucky”, you will be directed to www.coolclass.ca.
He is a much sought-after speaker and presenter on the topics of bullying, cyberbullying, technology integration, innovation, community development and global education. He has presented at many conferences across Canada and around the world.
Let me share Bill’s response to me:
Hello Lynn,
Thank you for your message, for sharing this information about your writing and for your concern about the issue of bullying. I would be pleased to have you make links from your Websites to mine. You can also add your book(s) on www.bullying.org by using the “I Want to Share -Submit a Helpful Resource” option.
FYI, I am a father of two teenagers and a classroom teacher, see www.coolclass.ca and/or http://is.gd/eZfxV. I founded Bullying.org Canada over a decade ago. Bullying.org Canada created www.bullying.org, a multiple award-winning Web site that was developed to help people address the issues of bullying within a safe, positive, moderated international community. www.bullying.org is a supportive online community where people can learn that they are NOT alone in being bullied and teased, that being bullied and teased is NOT their fault and that they CAN do something positive about it. People can contribute their personal stories, poems, images, oral stories (audio files), music and even animations and movies. All of the original submissions and the replies to them are read and moderated by real people to ensure that the Website is a safe and respectful online community. www.bullying.org also has a “Helpful Resources” section that features a huge listing of articles, books, legislation and policies, research and multimedia resources. www.bullying.org also has the worlds first and largest online moderated support groups for adults and youth. The Web site receives nearly one million visitors and contributors from around the world each month and is often listed as the number one “bullying” referenced Web site in the world by Google and many other Internet search engines.
www.bullying.org has been chosen for the ChildNet International Award that goes to project that make the Internet a better place for youth, as well as being a finalist in the Stockholm Challenge Award which has been called the Nobel Prize of the IT (Information Technology) world. In an interview I did on CBC Television’s “The National”, CBC News anchor Peter Mansbridge referred to www.bullying.org as “One of the best Web sites in the world for young people”. www.bullying.org has been featured by other media around the world.
Bullying.org Canada is also the creator of www.cyberbullying.ca, the world’s first Web site specifically dedicated to the emerging issue of cyberbullying, in fact, I have often been cited as the first to use this word and define this new behaviour.
We are also the founders, creators and facilitators of the annual National Bullying Awareness Week. We would like to encourage you, your organization, and your community to participate. Please invite others to visit http://www.bullyingawarenessweek.org for more information.
Middle or high schools in your area, you can encourage them to join the Bullying.org Peer Power Youth Presenters Network. We have a research-based multimedia CD along with an accompanying script they can use to practice with and then make arrangements to come and have these older students present to your younger students. It is very powerful and effective. The cost is only $5, which pays for discs, envelopes and mailing costs. The main commitment is finding a teacher at the local middle or high school who will agree to work with the older students prior to their presentation at your school. Please visit http://www.bullyingawarenessweek.org and click on the “Resources” Web page link for more information.
We are also the creators of the groundbreaking Website, www.bullyingcourse.com. This new educational resource offers affordable online courses and Webinars (online presentations) for educators and parents about bullying and cyberbullying. Here’s what www.bullyingcourse.com offers:
-Webinars: These are online multimedia presentations you can order and include in your next Professional Development Day, conference, Parent-Teacher Association meeting or community gathering. All you need is a computer, access to the Internet, a multimedia projector, projection screen, speakers and you are good to go! They can be paused, played and replayed to meet your schedule throughout the day you have ordered the presentation for.
-Online courses: These non-credit courses are self-directed introductory courses intended for personal and professional learning and growth. You proceed at your own pace. 100 level courses are offered on a continuous basis throughout the year. 100 level courses have no enrolment limit. 100 level courses are assessed as Complete or Incomplete. A certificate is issued upon successful completion of these courses. At the 100 level, we currently offer E101, an introduction to Bullying for Educators, see http://bullyingcourse.com/mod/resource/view.php?id=226 and P101 course for parents, please see http://bullyingcourse.com/mod/resource/view.php?id=225 for more information.
Here is some feedback from a recent E101 course participant:
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“I recently completed the Introduction to Bullying for Educators E101 course and found this to be a very valuable learning, theoretical and practical experience. As a student teacher I have found that this serious social issue has been overlooked in my teaching preparation courses. I highly recommend that teachers, student teachers and other professionals working with children attend this course. This is my first online course and I found the course very easy to navigate. The content provided in the course is appealing to a variety of learners and the use of multimedia enhanced my learning. Most importantly, I found the course assignment to be practical and something that I can use as I begin my teaching career. The assignment of creating my own anti-bullying action plan truly brought the course to life for me. Having completed the assignment, I now understand how I can respond to, prevent and advocate against bullying in the classroom, school, community, workplace and worldwide web environments. Bullying is a topic that every person is faced with at some point in his or her life. As teachers, it is our professional responsibility to understand, prevent and respond to bullying so that supportive, encouraging and caring environments are available to all children at school. This course is a great place to start this understanding and develop our own anti-bullying action plan, which can be implemented in our own schools.”
-Kimberly Dawson
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We have created a free brochure in PDF format that you can download that contains many ideas as to how students, teachers and parents can use www.bullying.org as a safe, supportive, free, non-commercial, and deeply engaging multimedia teaching and learning resource. This can be found online at: http://www.cyberbullying.ca/pdf/Bullying.org_Teaching_Ideas_Pamphlet.pdf
My son had his third lesson driving a standard shift car. He’d been driving for well over a year on his own and his Dad thought that he should gain some experience with driving something other than an automatic transmission car. I was never as brave as my husband about teaching the kids to drive. I knew when our oldest wanted to drive that my nerves would never stand the strain. When our youngest started zooming by on her go-cart. bumping and bouncing over gopher holes, flying around the yard at breakneck speeds, with high pitched squeals of delight drowning out my “Be careful!” yells as she passed me; yeah…there was NO WAY I was going to teach that child to drive! That job went to her father. He survived the task and all three kids are probably better drivers than I am now.
That reminded me of something I wrote when my son started to drive several years ago. I flashback on it now because I recently got a new car and driving back to work everyday I have had to seriously watch my speed. My new car is far more peppy than my van ever was! So this is just a reminder to me of a humbling experience…
A Humbling Experience (2008)
I enjoy spending time with my kids. Now that they are teenagers, it’s hard to pull them away from their friends or other “pursuits” to spend some good quality, one on one time with me, their Mom. Lately I feel like I am imposing on them whenever I suggest we do something together.
“Carmen, do you want to go for a walk with me?” She is busy multi-tasking, watching Hannah Montana on T.V., talking on MSN while checking Facebook on her computer and text messenging her friend Kaylee at the same time. Oh, and she’s eating a bowl of popcorn too, while playing Nintendogs on her DS game. “Huh?” she responds and barely acknowledges my presence.
I sigh and decide to enter the inner sanctum that is my son’s room. Screamo Metal Music assails my ears. He is barely awake…it’s nearly noon…
“Brett!” I yell. “Wha…” he responds.
No way can I lure him with a walk so instead I say, “I was thinking that we need to pick up a few things at Walmart for school, wanna come?” Amazingly, he reacts with enthusiasm.
He yawns, “Let me take a shower first…maybe we could go to West 49 too…” Yeah, dream on son. Still I am excited…finally I’ll get to have some good quality time with my son. Today will be monumental!
While he is showering, three of his friends have called leaving messages for him to hang out with them. I am debating not telling him because then he will be lost to me again, but instead I reluctantly tell him about the phone calls and he surprises me again…”Nah, I’ll come with you, Mom.” I’m thinking he is the greatest son alive or he must really want me to detour from Walmart to the mall badly! Anyway, cynacism aside I excitedly wait in the van for my angelic son to join me on what I believe will be the greatest mother- son day ever!
“Awww,” he says, “I wanted to drive.” he says when he gets into the van.
Now, here’s my dilemma. Brett is just learning to drive. He is actually a very careful, good driver and is overly cautious at least when he is under parental supervision. However, I am an extremely nervous Mom. It doesn’t matter that he’s a great driver, I am not ready to be his co-pilot yet. That is his father’s job, not mine. His Dad has the calmness and quick reflexes needed in case something goes awry. I sit with my purse in my lap, holding on tight and praying that God will send protective angels around the car. THIS is not a good influence on my son. It’s not his fault. He needs encouragement, not a neurotic Mom sitting beside him reciting the 23rd Psalm under her breath. Anyway, I just shrug and say, “Maybe you can drive next time.” Yeah, as if.
The trip into Walmart is quiet. He is still half asleep in the passenger seat. He has his IPOD plugged into his ear. I try to talk to him but he’s plugged in so he doesn’t hear me. Oh well, I think to myself, the day is yet young.
He wanders around Walmart politely following after me. I pick up a few non-essential school supply items that I probably could have waited to pick up but used that for the excuse to get him to come with me so I have to buy them…
He goes through the electronic department and glances at the latest Wii games available but shows little enthusiasm about being there overall. I’m thinking that I have to salvage the day somehow. Perhaps I should let him drive home, and then the wrestling match goes on in my head. I’m too nervous…he’s a good driver…what if I scream?…I’ll shake his confidence…what if he makes a mistake, (a terrible, horrible, no good mistake that young driver’s tend to make and we die in a terrible, horrible, no good FIRE BALL of road carnage…ahhhhhhhh!) Yeah, my neurotism wins. I slip into the driver’s seat without looking at my son.
He doesn’t comment when I turn up the radio. I’m a little guilty that I’ve disappointed him. This day was not at all how I wanted it to turn out. The music gets a little louder…the “oldies” station. He wants to put in his screamo music and to appease my son and my guilt I say, “OK. But I just want to hear this last song …Born to be Wild!” He laughs. I laugh. I have redeemed the day with my son. I feel the love. I feel the music vibrate throughout the van…I am singing. My son is laughing. This is what it means to connect with my teenage son! I almost want to cry with happiness and then almost instantaneously the moment is gone.
The only car on the road other than myself is a police SUV cruiser traveling in the opposite direction…unfortunately I have passed him going 30 kmh over the speed limit and the next thing I see is his doing an abrupt U turn with lights and sirens flashing…I am busted.
I pull over, roll down my window and I’ve already taken out my driver’s license before the police officer has come to the window. “I know, I was speeding,…” I say guiltily. “I was listening to my music, I wasn’t watching my speed…I am sorry.” The officer has never had someone confess to something so readily in his entire life I’m sure. “I should have let my son drive.” I say, and the officer smiles at Brett who has a combination Cheshire Cat smirk on his face and a slightly concerned…’my Mom is getting a ticket’ realization. I say to the officer, “At least I can show my son how to receive a speeding ticket gracefully.”
I try not to cry. The last traffic ticket I got was 26 years previous. I am shaken. I am embarrassed. My son now “owns” me. He will never let me live this one down. I deserve it. My perfect, glorious day with my son is shattered.
The officer comes back and says, “I have to give you a ticket.” Yeah, I knew that…”But I’ve shown you some grace…” I look at the ticket…he has written my speed at 20 kmh less than he originally clocked me. I almost want to hug him. “Thank-you.” I smile with relief.
He smiles at Brett. They exchange the look that says, “No need to make her suffer more than she is right now.”
Rather than laugh at me, rather than make snide comments, rather than joke about my shame, Brett encourages me all the way home. He doesn’t make excuses for me, I am guilty but he encourages me still. He has every right to point and laugh, to say “I told you so” but he doesn’t. He has every right to condemn me. He hugs me when we get out of the car and my day rather than being ruined is once again restored to its previous splendor.
You will know if you’ve been checking out my Facebook statuses the last week that I have embarked on yet another new “adventure” for the next several months. I am teaching Junior High Language Arts full time covering a maternity leave for the regular teacher. It’s been a steep learning curve navigating around a new computer program, as well as setting up a classroom in preparation for the students to return to school especially since most of the teachers had to move entire classrooms, myself included to accommodate the phenomenal growth our school will see this year. One hundred more students than last year! Whew! Needless to say, it may be a bit of a challenge to blog as regularly as I have been but I’ll try!
Lynn Dove's Journey Thoughts 