Are We There Yet?

Posted on July 30, 2019 by Lynn

My parents loved to go for long drives. When my brother and I were too young to be left at home, we would accompany them on these drives. Generally my Dad would head towards the mountains and in the early 60’s that meant a full day on the road, there and back again, with a brief stop in Banff or Lake Louise for a picnic before heading back to Calgary. For my brother and I, confined in the back seat of a Volkswagen Beetle, without air conditioning, seatbelts, or car seats, we had no interest in the mountain views but occupied our time playing with the few toys our parents had allowed us to bring. When we tired of the toys, we generally curled up together and slept the rest of the way. Oftentimes we were still sound asleep when my parents stopped at a scenic location, so they let us snooze while they picnicked at a roadside turnout and we would be halfway home before we woke up cranky and miserable having missed out on the picnic, the only part of the trip we actually looked forward to.

We had just started on one such outing and my brother and I were already dreading the tedium of a long road trip. Luckily, my brother had managed to smuggle his pop gun into the car and for awhile I enjoyed watching him shoot at his little green, plastic soldiers that he lined up on the back seat. No longer satisfied with shooting the soldiers inside the car, he rolled down the window and began shooting at several imaginary bear and moose. That held his interest for a few more miles but then he decided a real target would be more satisfying. You would think his big sister would be the logical target, but that was not the case. Instead, over the next several miles he took great delight in “popping” our father in the back of his head! The little cork-on-a-string “bullet” didn’t hurt as much as distract my father from keeping his eye on the road and so after a few volleys from the back seat my brother was sternly warned that there would be consequences if Dad was “shot” again. Perhaps it was boredom, perhaps it was retaliation for subjecting us to long drives neither my brother and I enjoyed, or perhaps it was just childish mischievousness, but my brother got a wicked glint in his eye and re-corked his weapon. He pumped up the play rifle to maximum air capacity, a devilish smirk on his angelic face and took careful aim. POP! Straight into the back of my Dad’s head! Dad’s arm shot back with lightening speed and with pin point accuracy swatted the offending weapon out of my brother’s hand and knocked him off his little keester in the process. I can’t remember the bottom-warming he got when we got home, but I’m sure that my brother must have thought it all a worthwhile consequence since our road trip was abruptly cut short due to his assassination attempt on the chauffeur.

Of course, when we became teenagers, there were holiday road trips through the mountains to British Columbia, and when we moved to Vancouver Island, the direction changed through the mountains to visit relatives in Calgary.  By then, my brother and I had learned that surviving the drive meant for us to be plugged into our individual Walkmans with our cassette mix tapes, and hunkering down for the tedium of travel.   We were neither interested in the mountainscapes, nor were we much interested in the occasional wildlife that we passed.  The common phrase my parents heard from the two of us was: “Are we there yet?”  Their response: “We’re not there yet, but getting close.”

My husband and I love to take a Sunday drive after church.  Somehow, over the many years, I finally understand what my parents found so enjoyable about long, relaxing, picturesque drives.  We are so blessed to be near enough to the Rockies, that we can take in the mountain sites, have a leisurely lunch, and enjoy the sunset drive home.  Occasionally, we meet up with road construction, or traffic that irritates us, but for the most part our long drives are a time to reconnect with one another, enjoy the area we live, and build memories.  Of course, when our three children were little, we hauled them all with us, and like my brother and I, they did not enjoy the ride very much.  They were eager to get to the destinations because we made a point of doing something they would like before we had to get back in the car to return home.  You might have guessed the common phrase my kids yelled at us from the back seat: “Are we there yet?”  Our response: “No, but we’re getting close!”

It has been a challenging week for me dealing with a blood clot and pain of a different kind.  At one point I said to my husband that I would just like to skip ahead to November, be done all this chemo, all this stuff, and bypass the next few months.  Wishful thinking, I know, but his response was interesting, “What?  Then you’d miss out on so much that will happen over the next few months.”

He didn’t mean all the chemo side effects or doctor appointments, he was talking about living every day, making memories, and appreciating all the scenic side roads on this long and winding highway that is my new journey with cancer.  He understands the importance of the journey, whereas, this week especially, I’ve been focused solely on the destination.  I want to scream out, “Are we there yet?”  I want to be at the end, get to the destination and stay there.  I’m focused on the finish, but he reminded me that there is validity in making the most of and enjoying the journey in spite of some speed bumps along the way.  “You’re half way there come Monday,” he said.  “Getting close to the end of chemo treatments.  Stay strong.  You’ll get there!”

It’s difficult, I will admit, when I’m in pain and definitely not looking forward to the third round of chemo on Monday, to enjoy the blessings around me.  I have forced myself this most challenging week to spend as much time outside, on our back deck, drinking in the beauty of our view of the Rocky Mountains and praising God for His Creation.  Sometimes I take it for granted.  I have walked (limped) around my home, doing the Marie Kondo thing, thanking God for my house and all the things in it that bring me joy.  Sometimes I take it all for granted.  I have prayed for all those who have prayed and are still praying for me, including many of you blog readers.  I have felt those prayers!  I cannot take them for granted!  I have hugged my grandchildren this week, and enjoyed the love and fellowship of family gathering in my home.  Sometimes I forget how blessed I am to have all my children live only minutes away.  I have thanked God for my husband, for the love and companionship we’ve shared for over forty years.  Charles is my knight in shining armour! I have read a good book.  I have laughed.  I have tried to stay strong.  I have tried to persevere, I have tried to be patient, I have tried to be grateful, I have tried to be less anxious. I have tried not to lean on my own understanding.  It’s a daily walk.

I’m not there yet, but getting close!

 

Posted in Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments

Spiritual Markers

Posted on July 26, 2019 by Lynn

I have several collections in my home. I have a Precious Moments collection, an extensive Angel figurine collection, and a shelf display that pays tribute to my favourite book heroine, “Anne of Green Gables”. I am not a minimalist when it comes to decorating my home. Sure, some may say my “nik naks” are just clutter, and certainly there are some decor pieces I could easily sell without any remorse in a garage sale but, other choice pieces have a story behind each one of them. They are displayed to mark a time, or a significant life event where I fully experienced God’s activity around me in a profound and life-changing way. They are Spiritual Markers.

Scripture has several references to people building altars or celebrating significant feasts or festivals that have specific, spiritual significance to those people. Abraham (Genesis 12:1-8; 13:1-18); Noah, who built an altar to the Lord after the Flood (Genesis 8:20); the day God parted the Jordan River (Joshua 4:4-7); Samuel reminding God’s people that God helped them defeat their enemies. He marked that occasion with a stone as a remembrance of that event. (1 Samuel 7:1-12). In more recent history, the Church uses specific symbols and objects that remind congregants of significant stories and events from the Bible. A “fish” symbol, for example, first used by the early church that indicated when worn or displayed that they were Christ followers, or “fishers of men”. We use the Cross as a spiritual reminder of Christ’s great Sacrifice for us. Basically, a Spiritual Marker is any object, symbol, picture, or event that reminds us of God’s activity around us.

In 2001, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my husband bought me a “Sarah’s Angel” figurine. At the time, I’m sure his primary intent was just to cheer me up by gifting me with a small token of love. He knew I liked Angel figurines and I had been wandering around a store with him admiring the different displays just to take my mind off of my upcoming surgery. When my eyes rested on one little Angel figurine in particular, my husband quickly snatched it up. “You can look at it to know God’s angels watch over you.”

It was such a sweet gesture, I couldn’t wait to prominently display that little Angel in a place I could see it everyday. The store clerk who boxed and wrapped the Angel for us could see I was enamoured by our purchase and quickly told us that the man who had commissioned these little figurines, did so in honour of his wife “Sarah”, who battled cancer. My husband and I exchanged looks of surprise at the added significance of learning that fact about our Angel. I hugged my husband, “She’s even more special to me now!”

Through my breast cancer journey, that Angel was a constant reminder that God and His Angels were watching over me. It was always a reminder of His Goodness, His Faithfulness, and encouraged me in times of great trial and distress as I went through the chemo treatments. That Angel figurine became a significant Spiritual Marker for me.

My Precious Moments collection is another example of items that mark significant events in our family. I’m not sure my kids are aware that each of those cute figurines that I dust each week, represent a significant life-event in our family: the year of our wedding, the birth of our children, each child represented by a precious figure; anniversaries, hobbies, career choices, and births of grandbabies. Every time I look at that display in my living room, I remember how God pours out His blessings on our home and on our family!

When I was diagnosed this time with uterine cancer, my husband went on a private quest to find the perfect item that would encourage me whenever I looked at it. I had awakened yesterday once again in pain. My leg was swollen, the blood clot not dissipated as I had hoped would happen overnight now that I was on blood thinners. A Google search further discouraged me when I learned that blood thinners don’t actually dissolve a clot, the body does that over time. Sometimes a clot can take months to dissolve! My morning prayer time with God was beseeching Him to alleviate my pain, but more than that, showing me in some tangible way that He cared about me and was even listening to me!

Jeremiah’s Lamentation prayers may have paled in comparison to my own yesterday…

My husband had no way of knowing the specifics of my conversation with God that morning although I’m sure he sensed my ongoing frustrations with my current circumstances as he headed off to work. My day passed in pain-filled solitude. Walking was out of the question. I tried to distract myself by binge-watching shows on Netflix and playing mind-numbing games on my iPad. I was surprised when Charles came home with several packages. “You remembered!” I said when I saw the distinctive Bath and Body Works bag. I had asked him to pick up some foaming hand soaps from there a week ago. He had enough of a supply to last us a year! Then he shyly handed me another bag. “What’s this?” I asked.

“I’ve been looking for awhile, and found this today,” he smiled. “Hope this cheers you up!”

I was more than a little surprised and quickly teared up when I opened a box that contained a Peach-coloured Angel figurine. Peach is the colour of Uterine Cancer Awareness. Not sure if my husband even realized that since he’s colour blind, but I thought, just like the Sarah’s Angel he bought me nearly nineteen years ago, this new Angel figurine would serve as my new Spiritual Marker to mark this latest cancer journey. I hugged my husband tightly, thanking him for this wonderful gift. Then I noticed the inscription on the Angel’s gown and I gasped and burst into fresh tears.

Be Still, God is there.

 

Posted in Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

On the Ropes

Posted on July 24, 2019 by Lynn

It has been a tough go-round. At one point I was down for the count, but with the help of the entire “Team” in my corner praying and cheering me on, I slowly got back on my feet. Today I am recovering nicely and regaining strength. Unfortunately, it will take a little longer than last time to lick my wounds and come out fighting in Round 3, but God continues to encourage me in His Word and the prayers of the many are my lifeline!

The severe neuropathy pain after chemo was even more challenging this round than the first round. Even doubling up on pain meds did little to alleviate the joint, muscle and nerve pain that would not abate for four days. Basically I was confined to my chair or in bed, moaning, feeling miserable and sorry for myself. I prayed for relief. I expected quick results and was disappointed when the pain lingered longer than I thought I could endure. My dear, sweet husband was on the receiving end of some of my worst moments, when in frustration, I lashed out at him just to vent. I’m definitely not proud of myself for that. No excuses. Thankfully his shoulders were broad enough to shake off my pain-induced tirades, and he calmly talked me down from those cliff edges, and held my hand and soothed my aching heart with his unconditional love. He lives out the “for better or worse” part of our marriage vows everyday. Dear readers, when you pray for me please remember to pray for Charles.

A day after coming out of the chemo “fog”, as I like to call those agonizing days after treatment, my left leg started to swell. I knew the symptoms since I had experienced blood clots in that leg twice before, once in 2002 and again in 2015. I am genetically prone to DVT’s (Deep Vein Thrombosis) on my mother’s side. I have a clotting disorder called Leiden Factor Five as does my oldest daughter. I also have been told that cancer and chemo can also bring about DVT’s. So, I suppose it wasn’t entirely unexpected I would get one again. The fact too that I hadn’t moved much when in pain also contributed to the clot developing. My husband drove me into emergency and a blood test and follow-up ultrasound confirmed my suspicions.

The doctor pushed aside the curtain that separated our little cubicle in the emergency department from the other beds and patients being treated there. He smiled and said, “You are one of the “special” people who gets a DVT while going through chemotherapy!” “Yay, me!” I blurted out sarcastically. It had been a rough twenty-four hours and I had lost my sense of “ha ha”. I had spent several hours the night before at the hospital while they had tried to get blood out of me to confirm a clot. It’s like getting blood from a stone with me. My veins won’t cooperate. Four needle pokes later, my arm looking like a bruised pin-cushion, they finally had drawn enough blood to run the test. Then they gave me a shot of blood thinner and sent me home, instructing me to come back in the morning for an ultrasound to determine where exactly the clot was located in my leg.

It had been a long day already. My husband and I had not had a chance to eat so we went through a drive through on the way home and gulped down our chicken wraps. Halfway home I told my husband that the meal was not sitting well with me. Understatement! No sooner did we get home before I was violently ill with a case of food poisoning! I felt like the cartoon character, Wile E. Coyote, who has anvils dropped on his head repeatedly while chasing the Roadrunner. This just added insult to injury. I survived the night, a little more worse for wear, but showed up the next morning for the ultrasound at the hospital and then the waiting began for those results. Three hours later the doctor was gleefully calling me “special”. Yeah, right.

The doctor then proceeded to tell me the associated risks being on anti-coagulants long term and undergoing chemotherapy. He thoughtfully listed all the medications I can no longer take because of bleeding concerns, including ALL the anti-inflammatory pain meds I had been taking for neuropathy pain. “Uh, excuse me,” I muttered starting to panic, “but how can I get through four more rounds of chemo without pain meds?”

My husband was quick to point out that they hadn’t really worked for me the last two rounds. We had prayed even that very day there would be a better solution to pain management and now it lay in front of us! The doctor suggested a new med and I phoned the cancer clinic to get it okayed.

My Pastor has been preaching a series that focuses on “detours” in life that challenge and shape us into becoming better followers of Christ. I remembered something he said that resonated deeply with me before my second round of chemo.

I had thought a cancer diagnosis was my detour, my challenge, in this particular season of my life. I knew God would use my journey in a variety of different ways. My surprise has been the detours within the detour!

I called my Pastor on the way home, my new prescriptions in hand, and told him what had transpired with me over the last forty-eight hours. I was still a bit shell-shocked after all my ups and downs, and as he prayed for me over the phone I started to piece together God’s handiwork in the minute details of my treatment. Next round I go into it with a new med arsenal to help me combat pain. I believe God took that blood clot “detour within a detour” to give me a better way to combat the neuropathy side effect of chemo!

I want to thank so many of you who are following this blog and walking this cancer journey with me by praying and encouraging me with your thoughtful comments of support. Your words have meant so much to me!

Posted in Proverbs 16:9 - Journey Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments